From total darkness to an incredible lightness of being.

Once upon a time, I existed in a dark, dark room. The windows had been blacked out, and monsters lurked everywhere, not just under the bed. I forgot that feeling was anything more than emotional pain, so I needed to cause myself physical pain, just so I could remember a different sensation.

My left arm. That has been a constant, ugly reminder of that dark room, of those dark times. Those scars stood out, a staunch reminder that once upon a time, I was Not Okay.

I've woken up recently. I realized that I transitioned from that dark room to a room where there was light, but still a film over the windows. I was seeing, but not clearly. When I had that realization, when I let myself feel completely again, I decided never again would I let that film cloud the way. No matter what hurt it brought, it's worth it. And in these few short weeks since that's happened, I've felt more emotions -- good and bad -- than I have in years. It's incredible. I decided a I needed a visual reminder, something that speaks to me, that has always spoken to me, to make me recall how much life sucked before the film was lifted from the glass.

I had started to transform my left arm from a thing of darkness to a thing of light, but it stalled. Just an outline, something that had been done erroneously, something that I was unhappy with. I decided to take charge again, to draw that reminder out and down, and my forearm piece was born.

After that, I took a deep breath, and decided to turn my upper arm into a thing of beauty, even if it wasn't what I originally envisioned. I wanted...no, needed...to own it. I needed to make it something that reflected the incredible lightness that had become being me these days. Behold. The focal point is no longer my scars. It is hours of loving work, sisterly inspiration, backing from friends, and a lot of encouragement from many places. It isn't what I originally wanted, but it IS something I love, and it does reflect the beauty that my life has become.

A song bird in flight, and a freshly opened flower for every day. Welcome to my new bright room, y'all.

A Day in the Life - Dancing Queen's Birthday! (AKA Valentine's Day)

Starting the day off at about 12:30am after work: Shopping for the day's supplies.

Round about 1:45am: The final present haul.

As you can see from the clock on the stove, it's now 2:21am, and that's my second cider. I wish I could take credit for the cuppycakes, but those were all my sister. Red velvet (filled!) with cream cheese frosting for Dancing Queen's Valentine's Day/Birthday party in the class room. I began baking.

So, my phone died around 2:45am. The cakes (one Hello Kitty, one rectangle,) came out beautifully. I left them on the stovetop to cool. I stayed up to wrap presents, and post irritating Facebook statii, and when 5:00am rolled around, it was time for secret cake. Behold, slumbering royalty...

Sleeping no longer! I tried to get a photo of her opening her gift (A Hello Kitty wrist watch,) but it was too dark from where I had snagged a seat on the edge of her bed. At this point, after she had finished her cuppycake (Also red velvet, but not one of the ones her Aunt Shannon made,) we both went to bed for a bit.)

11am rolled around. I debated hard over putting this photo in. My den is, as you can see, a bit cluttered here. And the baby is naked. And he has coffee.

And I have coffee. And an empty wine bottle. But that's from the cake making the night before, so no worries.

Now, what I didn't take photos of, because I totally didn't have it in me to pull out my phone to capture the smug look on the dog's face was the empty pans on the floor under my dining room table where the dogs had gotten the cakes I baked the night before and eaten them. To the Bat Cave! Err, Kitchen! To bake MOAR CAKES! We're at about noon here. I decided I was going to cut down on dishes, and mixed up both boxes of cake mix in one bowl. Silly AccidentallyMommy -- you didn't pay close enough attention, and BLOOP went all of the batter into one pan. No big, right! Wrong. 12:15pm, the kitchen has filled with smoke, and I have finally put a cookie sheet under the cake pan to mitigate the lava flows of cake batter.

1:30PM: Cake's done!

Yep, behold my masterpiece! Thankfully, that's technically going to end up being the bottom. Still, not an auspicious start.

1:45pm: Cake is cooling. Time for the stew to start in the Crock Pot.

2:00pm: Home from school, mid-day present time!!!!

OMGSHOESSSSS!!!!

MOAR??

OMG HELLO KITTY SHIRT AND SKIRT!!!!!!!!!! Aaaaand...my phone died again. 

3:40pm: Pulling laundry frantically out of the dryer. I had to go to work briefly for a Secret Valentine exchange I was in charge of at 5:00pm, as well as some, well, you know, work. It was at this point that I totally forgot to take a picture of Dancing Queen in her outfit.

4:15pm: Getting gas so I can actually GET to work!

4:17pm: Check it out, I smellz good after a shower!

5:00pm: Secret Valentine exchange. Now, sometimes, at work, we get a little eclectic. Sometime's there's skateboard gangs. Sometimes there's poi on the sidewalk. Sometimes there's clandestine beer. And sometimes...just sometimes...there's fresh cow hearts as Valentine's Day gifts. Note her attempt at looking pleased while doing a fabulous job of masking her mix of shock and a wee bit of horror.

And note her Valentine's look of pure RL troll glee.

7:45pm: Work was over. Traffic was TERRIBLE. I was, at this point, nearly an hour and a half late getting home. And I had to stop for essentials -- cream for the buttercream frosting, wine, and fried onions because fried onions.

8:10pm: Missed dinner. No pics of my empty bowl. Instead, on to presents!!!!

9:00pm: Cake time! Yeah, we do how we do. Backwards. Now to ice this badboy, and hope that it ends better than it started.

9:15pm: TA-FUCKING-DA, BITCHES! I. Am. Fabulous. Seriously.  Look at that cake. LOOK AT IT.

LOOK CLOSER!!!!!

Oops, lost the candles. LOLOL. Not much goes as planned in my life. That's okay. She pretended they were there and just blew out nothing after we were done singing. She's such a good sport about Mommy's ineptitude.

10:37pm: Bed time. Happy birthday, and Happy Valentine's Day. A very happy, very tired, very content mommy and daughter on a very special mommy and daughter day.