For my dearest Lori...

I have been AWOL lately, and I need to rectify that, with an explanation and a post of substance.  I will get to that later.

Right now, though, I need your help.  I need your prayers, your good thoughts, your candles, your vibes, your crossed fingers, anything... I need you to show you care.

Lori over at Random Ramblings of a Stay at Home Mom is bearing the brunt of the personal tragedy that has struck her family, and needs as much support from all corners of the blogosphere (and the world.)  Her husband is in critical condition, and while yes, he's the "breadwinner," he is also her greatest love, and the father to her beautiful teacup humans.

Link up, spread the word, spread the love, and if you can, drop by her blog and tell her you're sending your love.  Remember, the kindness and caring we show to the strangers with whom we share the world shapes our reality for the best.  <3

Via KB of Wanderlust:

Here is what I’d like you to do as you link up today:

• If you haven’t already, please read Lori’s searing and heartfelt post from last night (it’s first on the Linky) and leave a comment of support for her.
• Send your prayers and/or good vibes to her and her family.
• Link up for Lori. Let her know you were here.
• If it is within your means, consider donating some money to help her family through this difficult time (her husband is the breadwinner and regardless of the outcome, this will be a rough financial ride for them). There is a paypal widget on the sidebar.
• Spread the word about the Linky so she can have as much support as possible at this time.

The rest of the Linky instructions are below. Thank you so much for your kindness and support. 

We love you Lori. We're rooting for you, babe. Stay strong. xo

The Rules (according to the big boss)

1. Follow my blog, the Random Ramblings of a SAHM. I never seem to get to reading all the links here. But believe me, I try. Not that any of this is my idea anyway- FYBF is MummyTime's brainbaby. I stole it.
2. Grab the bubbly button and post it on your sidebar.
3. Link your First Name and/or Blog Name and URL of your post or blog.
4. Add a short description (max of 125 chars). It could be a description of yourself, your blog or a teaser to your latest post.
5. Follow at least 1 linkyer/blogger (Be nice and spread the love).
6. The list will be open for linkyers on Fridays (and for the foreigners Friday as well).
7. A new and fresh link list will open every Friday. And you will have to link up AGAIN. The previous link list does not carry over to the following week.
8. And lastly, have lotsa fun. I mean it. If I detect anyone not totally loving the awesomeness, I will bump you off the linky list. (Joking) (Kinda).
9. Ripping off my stuff- including these rules- makes baby Jesus cry. If you are doing your own blog hop, please write your own rules. You know who you are.

My thank you speech...

Got eaten by the homework monster.

KB over at Wander Lust bestowed upon me my first (and very, very special, for a number of reasons,) award.  Like I said, my thank you speech got eaten, but KB... Well, there aren't any words.  Thank you for your support. 

Behold, the "Don't Even Fuck With Me" award!

And now, I would like to pay it forward.  There are a couple of amazing women that stand out in my mind who've been dealing with their share, and I think they need to know (in shiny graphic format) that I've got their backs.

KB, this one's for you too, honey.  Wander Lust

Bonnie, you're stronger than you know.  Your courage to say what you did proves it without a doubt.  Violator

Introspection.

I've neglected Things-that-are-awesome Thursday, and FlogYoBlog Friday.  I also have an award that I am deeply honoured to receive, but I am choosing to wait before publicly receiving it and sharing it.

I have had a week full of introspection about where my life is as an individual, because as a parent I'm really kind of right on track.  That prevented me from blogging on Thursday.

Friday morning brought news of the tragic passing of a schoolmate that while I wasn't particularly close to, I had at least one class with every semester, for four years.  The short of it is that she ended her own life.

This news had an unexpected effect on me.  I've lost other classmates before, and as with this one, we were friendly but not close.  I certainly mourned their passing, and felt a deep sympathy for their families and friends.  They're ALL tragic in their own right - we're young in the grand scheme of things.  Some left behind children, all left behind an aching void in the lives of those they were close to.

Heather's passing, however, left me a bit lost.  Here's why:  I've been there before.

I've toed the edge of the depthless chasm she ultimately stepped off of.  I know what it's like to be enveloped in that darkness and that hopelessness.  I even know what it's like to slip, though I'm incredibly blessed that there was miraculously someone there to throw me a rope when I had slipped over the ledge, before I hit the bottom from which I couldn't return.

I was angry when I learned of her death.  I was angry that I hadn't reached out to her long before now, and I felt immensely guilty, knowing that I may have been able to, through my complete understanding of where she was, help her.

Of course, none of these feelings were valid logically, because I also know that when you set your mind to make that movement off the ledge, you mean it.  I also know well that she had many friends and family who had tried to help her before.

What can I say?  I'm semi-Catholic.  Guilt is what I do.

I've decided that in addition to my other philanthropic pursuits, I want to give a little piece of myself to one more thing, on a more personal level.

I want every one of you, readers, to know that *someone* understands.  If you ever find yourself so overwhelmed and exhausted that you're considering just giving up, know that there is someone who knows exactly where you are, and that they care.  That I want you to make a bet with me and put up a fight, even if it's just to prove me wrong.  Get angry, take solace, do whatever you must do.  Just don't give up. 

I can always be reached at accidentallymommy@gmail.com, and I often check here for comments multiple times a day.

Ultimately, there is no situation so bleak and hopeless that there is nothing left to live for.  Someone will always care for you and be left feeling bereft at your absence, even if it is just an anonymous Accidental Mommy on the internet. 

If you're so close that you don't think you can wait for me to check my email or my comments, there are other ways to find help and hope.

http://www.hopeline.com is the address for the Kristen Brooks Hope Center and the home of HopeLine, a 24 hour anonymous suicide prevention hotline.  The telephone number is 1-800-suicide.  (1-800-784-2433). 

I mean it when I say that I love you.  Every single one of you.  It may not be on the same level as your most intimate friends and family, but it IS love, and love should always count for something.

Be well, my friends, and be kind to yourselves.  You're always worth it.