Hiatus

Hello, dear readers.

I suffered a severe injury on 17 Feb.  While it doesn't necessarily impair my ability to blog, it impairs my desire to.  I've learned that there are quite a few things that I'll never be able to do again that were things that kept my soul vibrant, in addition to my children.  Things that before my children were born kept me going and kept me happy.

I won't lie - I'm in mourning for those things.  Never again being on a horse's back or hiking obscure places in Florida hurts my heart more than I can express.   Perhaps it's a little silly.  Perhaps it's a lot silly.  I can't change that it feels like an entire part of who I am and what I love has been ripped from me.

I hope you all stay well and remember to value and be thankful for the little things every day.

What makes a woman's course of action the right choice or the wrong choice?

Out of snark for the evening, I find myself sitting here wondering what truly makes one's course of action "right" or "wrong".

I've been told many times that the manners in which I chose to see my pregnancies through were wrong.  I asked for an induction at 40 weeks with my first.  I asked for pain medication.  I didn't stop my psych meds.  I didn't breastfeed with my first because of my psych meds.  I've been accused of being filled with fear and willfully ignorant, of being a bad mother, of being a sellout to the art I wish to pursue, of supporting Big Medicine in their conspiracy to ruin all things beautiful about motherhood.

By that token, I've thrown around a few accusations of my own.  I've judged friends and strangers for their willingness to undergo major elective surgery despite the risks it posed to themselves and their babies. I've accused high risk women who choose to vbac and vba2c at home or unassisted of being careless because they were unable to find out how their c/s were closed and therefor didn't know their risk of rupture.  I've gotten into pissing contests with others about whose opinion is better, safer, more popular, more knowledgeable, more... right.  And for what?  To win an argument in one instance?

There are few things I know for certain.  I know that I'm comfortable (if defensive when attacked) with the decisions I've made for myself, and I know that I can choose to remember that I don't know all of the details when it comes to others, as well as kindly educate those who are willing and dismiss those who aren't.

Birthing has, quite frankly, become a venomous business.  Communities designed to offer support and camaraderie are filled daily with vitriolic judgement and disdain.  I think it would do the sisterhood as a whole a great deal of good to step back and remember one thing:  We may choose different paths, we may not agree, we may find errors or room for improvement, but in the end we're all still sisters, and no one is an island.  No one should have to be.

The fab mamas over at  Offbeat Mama are having awesome bootie giveaway.  Enter yourself, and then share the word to enter again!

Rant: "Birth Rape"

I need to preface this post with two things that are vital to understanding where my frustration comes from.

Number one:  I am a survivor of "traditional" Rape.  As in, the violent sexual crime that left me with PTSD, a fear of the dark, a lifetime worry of dormant viral infection, and other sundry scarring, both physical and emotional.

Number two:  I am also a survivor of Birth Assault, albeit a "minor" offense.

So, here we go.

I LOATHE the term "Birth Rape".  Birth Assault is a crime.  Rape is a crime.  But they are NOT the same thing.

I also loathe the careless manner in which this horrible misnomer is tossed around.

An online acquaintance of mine, Melissa, summed my exact feelings up in a well-written and succinct manner when she said "The term itself does a disservice to women who've experienced damaging childbirth and women who've been sexually assaulted. Though I understand that both acts include violation and can cause physical and mental trauma that is somewhat similar (vaginal damage, ptsd, etc...) the fact is that they are not the same. Rape is far too loaded a word to use in any other situation, even one as serious as this."

If advocates for birthing mothers want more public support (especially from fellow women and those who still believe medical professionals can do no wrong), they need to change the language they use.

I have to say though, I don't think these women just tacked 'rape' on because they wanted to be extra offensive or dramatic. I thik many of them feel so violated physically that they closely associate it with rape. Women are held down, mutilated, have hands and instruments shoved up them without consent. This is a crime and somewhat sexual in nature. I don't feel any anger towards people for classifying it as something close to rape. I just don't think it helps the cause and I don't think it's factually accurate."

I understand the need to put a name on the crime and to speak out against it; I would never in any way minimize the suffering and trauma other women have gone through.  I've gone through it, myself.  With my first child, my membranes were stripped without my consent and knowledge, causing heavy spotting and 12 hours of panic while I desperately tried to reach a clinician or nurse on the weekend.  Additionally, my placenta was violently tractioned, causing a severe post-partum hemorrhage and excruciating pain.  These assaults are as real as a beating, a stabbing, a shooting.  There is NO denying that.

There is, however (in my mind at least,) one very very very important difference:  After most Birth Assaults, you go home with the child you've grown to love for ~40 weeks, whose presence is soothing and healing and can take you on your way to recovering from the atrocities that may have occurred.  The child who's physical touch encourages the production of the endorphins and other hormones that work physiologically to help you cope with it.

In a "traditional" Rape, there is NO take home prize, if you will.  There is nothing that softens the blow, nothing to help the process of healing.  The pain remains raw, and unmitigated by anyone and anything.

I know that I'm just one woman, but sometimes the urging of one woman is all it takes.  Let's continue to bring this sad and frighteningly prevalent epidemic of birth violence to light, but afford the survivors of it and the survivors of "traditional" rape the dignity of assigning it a name of it's own.

A public service announcement.

While the bulk of my posts will concern parenting and children directly, there will be the occasional post that is less specifically focused.  Rather, some of these posts will pertain to a larger focus group:  Everyone.

I wrote this a while back, but the information and the sentiment has not changed.  Please, read it.  Take it to heart.  Talk to your children, show it to friends, do more research, and keep yourself and your loved ones safe.
-------------------------------------------------------

With HIV/AIDS awareness having been swept under the rug in our country, the epidemic is once again on the rise.  My child will NOT be blindfolded to the reality of this disease.

It is not a discriminatory disease.  It doesn't care if you're young or old, black, white, purple, pink, green, blue, transgendered, gay, bisexual, straight, pansexual, asexual... it's ruthless in it's determination to simply infect.

That is what makes it so unique and the search for a cure so desperate and bleak in regards to when we'll find it.

To put it very, very, very simply:  When you vaccinate against a virus, you're introducing into the body a killed or dormant form of the virus so that the body can make antibodies.  What people who don't go beyond basic biology don't usually know, though, is that it's not the RNA of the virus - essentially, not the virus itself - that we make antibodies against.  It's the protein coat that protects the RNA - the virus's winter coat.

The HIV virus is adept at changing its protein coat.  The virus is in a constant form of mutation.  Often, multiple strains of the virus can be found in the body at one time.

HIV's ability to change is FIVE TIMES GREATER than that of the varying viruses in the Influenza family.  FIVE TIMES.  Influenza was previously the record holder for antigenic shift rate.  Seriously, though.  Consider the fact that semi-annual to annual re-vaccination for influenza is recommended, and even then only up to approximately 75% effective.

Are you thinking, yet?  Has it hit you?

Scratch all of my bullshit wish list requests for this year.

What I want from every one of you - anyone I call a friend, no matter how loosely I use the term - is for you to become involved.

I don't necessarily mean involved as in volunteering in your community or donating to a global fund, though that would be great if you're feeling so inclined.  I mean involved in that you inform yourself.

I will be happy if you do nothing more than arm yourself with information and use it to protect yourself and the people you love.

Parents, research it as much as you do proper nutrition for your child,  Ladies, be as familiar with it as you are with breast cancer and cervical cancer.  Men, it means the livelihood of your penis, for god's sake!  *grins*

Don't tell me you'll never be in a situation where you could contract HIV.  Condoms break.  Partners cheat.  Sexual assaults occur.  The eradication of blood-born pathogens is not ALWAYS complete when it comes to donor blood and organs, though recent statistics for blood are something like 27 infected transfusions per 12 million.  Bus crashes where the person spurting blood all over you is infected.  Needle sticks (though, I shouldn't have to tell my medical profession friends ANYTHING about this, now should I?  You've all been informed about your right to prophylactic treatment if you find yourself in a high-risk situation, correct?  If you haven't, FIND OUT!)

Hell, I once watched a waitress mop up the blood off of a table from a patron's nosebleed, using nothing more than a damp rag.  No bleach, no sanitizer, nothing.  (She got a VERY stern lecture, escorted by me back to the ladies room to wash her hands thoroughly, bleach poured over the rag, and her manager tiraded at as well.  I'm no longer allowed in the restaurant.)

Do you see my point, though?  If the blood left behind on the table had been infected and you were the next patron to come in and you happened to land your paper-cut thumb in that bit of wet infected blood, that would be an exposure.  HOPEFULLY we're all intelligent enough to notice something like that, but still.  OR:  If you were back in the kitchen and you handled that towel with still-wet infectious blood, not realizing what was actually on the towel, you'd have just been exposed.

"Well, the virus isn't supposed to live very long outside the human body.  *whine*"  It doesn't if the bodily fluids capable of transmission are properly disinfected or dried.  There's a reason that sharps containers are labeled a biohazard, though.  Wet infectious fluid is STILL INFECTIOUS.

"Well, if I'm fucking a dead woman who was HIV positive while she was alive, I'll be fine because she's dead."

First of all, stop violating the dead. This is not Twilight, it's not the "in" thing to do. Second of all, infected tissues are still to be considered infected and thusly biohazardous post-mortem.  PPE is to be used at all times!

Learning about HIV and HIV testing are simple, free, and anonymous if you so wish.  How can you go wrong with things that are simple, free, and anonymous?

If you don't want to ask me, or anyone else, I'll start you off regarding testing:  Your local Planned Parenthood, health department, and even your town blood bank all offer free and anonymous testing.

For those of you who are curious, my passion comes from two places:  Growing up on the tails of my mother's lab coat in a pediatric infectious diseases lab, thus knowing that there were kids my age and younger who suffered under the tyranny of this disease, and later as an adult witnessing first hand the suffering it causes as it took someone I loved very much away from me far too early.

One simple wish from me this Christmas that every single one of you can fulfill.  Just... know.

So I don't end this without some "fun" information, I give you an often suppressed and very difficult to find documentary on the source of the AIDS pandemic in Africa.  Seriously, it's riveting.  Dutch researchers and Simian Immunodeficiency Virus and Government-mandated Polio Vaccines, Oh My!

http://www.documentary-film.net/search/video-listings.php?e=5 - pick your hosting site.  I recommend the full-screen version, as it's the closest to the original that was ever released, before some shady editing was done.

Tackling Taboo: Bipolar Parents

With the decriminalization of Postpartum Depression through massive amounts of media coverage, I'd like to try and create a new initiative: decriminalizing and myth-busting Bipolar Disorder in parents.

You see, I'm a Bipolar Parent.  It's something that I tend to keep to myself, so writing this post is monumental for me.  With the pop-culture examples like the story of Joan Crawford in Mommie Dearest and the fictional but true-to-life tale in Blue Sky, disclosing Bipolar Disorder to the general public is met with discrimination and even fear.  Telling most people that you're a PARENT and Bipolar, though, is met with judgement and assumed abuse.

That is absolutely not the case in many (if not most,) families with a Bipolar parent.

See, we're no different from a mother with PPD or a father with PTSD.  We go to counseling, we make decisions in conjunction with our physicians on which therapeutic pharmaceuticals to take, and we manage our lives so that outside stressors and triggers are avoided.  If anything, parents with BPD are MORE careful in how well their disease is managed.  We are, afterall, parents.  It is not our disease that defines us in most cases; it's our children and our desire to be functional members of society just like everyone else.  Our disease is simply a speed bump that must be navigated around.

Now, that's not to say it isn't difficult sometimes.  As with any long-term disease, certain treatments may cease to work to their fullest.  Physicians and therapists will occasionally move or close their practices.  Outside stressors and triggers can't always be avoided.  In those situations, it's crucial to have a support system in place such as an understanding partner, supportive family, and a friend or two that is close enough to be trusted with watching our children for an emergency doctor's appointment or a late-night phone call for a sanity check.

A common myth is that a woman who gets pregnant - either by choice or by mistake - is automatically putting her fetus at risk by taking dangerous drugs that will cause terrible deformities.  This is exactly that: a MYTH.  I will not discuss specific medications in this blog because I am not a licensed pharmacist or physician, but there are multiple psychotropic medications approved for the management of BPD that are also considered relatively safe for use during pregnancy.

Another myth: mothers with BPD cannot breastfeed due to the medication they're taking.  Wrong again!  See above for the debunking of this myth.

Myth 3:  BPD is genetic and any person who reproduces is automatically sentencing their child to a life of misery and insanity.  Incorrect!  While yes, genetics do play a role in BPD, it is not a guarantee that the offspring of parents with BPD will end up with a positive diagnosis later in life.


Myth 4:  Parents with BPD are incapable of being responsible enough to take care of children properly, or they are child abusers.  This is probably the myth that bothers me the most.  Being Bipolar does not automatically make one a bad parent!  It is my experience that those of us with BPD are *MORE* attentive to our children, even OVER attentive, and due in part to that myth exactly!  BPD is no more an indicator of how fit a person is to parent than Diabetes or Asthma or Allergies is.  Joan Crawford is NOT the norm, here, people!

There is a wonderful web resource for friends, family, and those afflicted with BPD called Bipolar Lives if anyone has more questions or would like to research the condition more.  Please - educate yourselves!  Help debunk the popular and incorrect opinions that run rampant in our society today.  Most importantly, remember that even those of us parents with BPD are people, too.

Review: Green and Comfy OS pocket and sized AIO diapers

In the ongoing search for a reliable, inexpensive diaper, I stumbled across Green and Comfy diapers on eBay.  Now, everyone is wary of purchasing mass-produced diapers on eBay, and with good cause.  However, when I saw that they were once the Wonderworks diaper company, I was at ease but not quite sold.

See, here's the thing:  when diaper companies go through massive face-lifts, their products do too.  I think this is pretty universal, actually.  Anyway, while I loved loved loved the Wonderworks diapers, I was concerned that the Green and Comfy incarnation just wouldn't be the same.

Thankfully, I was wrong.  They are, in this Mama's opinion, better.

Let's start with the price.  If ordered directly through the seller on ebay, bypassing the auctions, they are $5.  Auctions for individual diapers start at $3.99.  This is universal for the pockets and the AIO's.

One-Size (OS) pocket diapers

Fit:  The pockets are One-Size, with three rows of rise snaps.  On the smallest setting, my 11 lb. 24" son is comfortable.  They are generous in fit, though, as even at 9 lbs, he swam in them.  They feature elastic in the back, to allow for a snug and leak-free fit around the waist. Additionally, the wings feature a snap-over option for trimmer babies.

Legs:  I'll admit - the lack of leg gussets had me skeptical.  As long as the rise is set correctly and the waist snapped tightly, though, there is no problem.

Materials:  The outer PUL is a very tight weave, trim but sturdy.  The inner suede cloth is high quality with an anti-pill quality.

Performance:  These are absolute work horses.  Because Green and Comfy does not yet offer inserts to go with them, I used the bumGenius one-size microfiber inserts.  My son, a heavy wetter at 2 months old and already sleeping in six hour stretches, was able to wear these for up to five hours during the night with no leaks. 

Overall impression:  You CANNOT get a better pocket diaper for this price.  Or any price, really.  Zero leaks, zero pilling, excellent construction, and very trim on the child.  I'm in love.  The only downfall is the lack of included insert, but that can easily be remedied.

Sized AIO diapers

Fit:  I have only tried the small, as Bug is only two months old.  That said, they have a fit that is really quite middle ground.  I can see these working for very petite as well as rather chunky babies.  Like the pockets they include the back elastic to ensure a snug fit.  The wings also include the snap-over option that is found on the pockets.

Legs: Same as the pockets above.

Material: Same PUL and suedecloth, with a wide absorbent core.

Performance:  Definitely not as long-lasting as the Pocket diapers.  I was displeased to find that these leaked considerably after only a two hour nap.  They held up well for trips to the doctor's office and grocery store, as well as short car rides.

Overall impression:  Not so impressed.  These will be used for our back-up diapers only, and I will not purchase them again when Bug outgrows them.  I'm still on the fence as to whether or not I will pack them up for any later children, or whether I will pass them on to another family for free.