Through the looking glass

I wish the world could see my children through my eyes. I also wish that I would remember I feel this way when I'm frustrated or tired.

I posted that on my facebook this morning, and I found myself repeating it over and over like a mantra alll afternoon.


What to do when a child's behavior is off and completely out of control, and out of THEIR control?  How to hold one's tongue and exasperation whilst said child bounds across furniture in a fervor of frenetic energy she has no idea how to control?


This is the medication rollercoaster that I spoke briefly of last post.


So what to do?  How do I help her cope?  How do *I* cope?  There is no warning label that states that I may become frazzled and frustrated with directions on how to reverse the reaction.  There are no wiki-how's on curbing my tongue or her behavior.


Here's what's worked for us so far:  Cuddling.


Lots of cuddling.  When she looks like she's going to shake out of her skin, we sit down for a hug.  When I'm in tears over burning dinner and shouting at her to get off the back of the couch, we sit down for a hug.


Talking it out.  Kinder major is extremely sensitive and understands that some of this is out of her control.  It's therapeutic for her to hear my words when I say that  I understand that she can't help it sometimes.


Space.  Sometimes we just need to walk away from eachother.


At the end of the day, though, we cuddle under the blankets and I do whatever I must between snack and story to make my beautiful children laugh, and I remember why I want the world to see them as I do.  They're brilliant, funny, beautiful little beings.


I'm so blessed to be their mommy.

Funk-be-gone!

So.  It's well past time for me to pull myself up by my bra straps and get out of this funk.

Mind, it's not really a funk about him, though he plays a part in it.  It's more a culmination of being in limbo again as far as where my life is going and what I'm going to be when I grow up, the children and their health and well being, and dissatisfaction with my personal life.

Right now I have an awesome job.  It's nothing fancy, it's sure as hell not glamorous, but it's something I can do and do well, to the point of going home *happy* knowing that I've completed my tasks to the best of my ability, and I truly did an excellent job.  However... there's always a however, it's not something I can or will do for the rest of my life.  I want more.  I want to know that I'm not just doing my job, I'm helping out in the world.  This job could lead to that job.  More limbo, though, as it'll take me quite a bit of time to get there.  I want it, though.  Good god, readers... I want it so much it hurts.  I just don't quite know how to go about finally getting it.

The children are well overall.  Kinder Major has been diagnosed as epileptic, for official and all.  We're on the medication rollercoaster now, and it's wearing me out.  Kinder Major doesn't particularly like the ride, nor does she like the fact that I now watch her like a hawk for signs of seizures.  Helmets are more strictly enforced, and there are days when I'm hesitant to even brush her hair.  She's missed a fair bit of school over this, as well.  I'm keenly aware that it could be worse, though, so I'm thankful daily that it's not.

Bug is doing alright.  Health wise he's perfect, it's his development that I worry for.  I cannot count the number of times I've been asked if he is autistic.  He's not.  He communicates, but doesn't talk, per se.  He has words, but they're still not crystal clear, and most people cannot decipher them, and mistake his speaking for babble.  He also signs to us, and does a good job at it.  He understands EVERYTHING, and is the most social, happy little man.  That doesn't keep me from worrying that he's developed a fibroid in the communication center of the brain, though.  I haven't brought it up to neuro yet - I've been sitting on it, trying to decide if I'm just being a worry wart or if there may be something to the idea.  I'm still unsure.  I wish I had some sort of magic 8-ball for him.

My personal life. Ooooh my personal life.  As you know, Pater Pueri and I have split.  That has left me sad, but I refuse to pine over him, and I'm pretty well moved on.  What makes me sad is that we had this life planned out, we told Kinder Major all about our plans, and now it's been snatched out from under her.  She's left angsty, and I'm left seething over her unhappiness.

As far as what I'm doing now that I'm a free agent... well, I'm looking but not looking hard.  I'm leaving myself open to the universe and whomever may come along. It's interesting to allow myself to openly admire and flirt with another person again, after so long of not being able to, or not wanting to.  It's kind of nice to think about making plans with someone just to get to know them.  While I'm enjoying things, I'm still somewhat intimidated.  I never dated well.  Just ask any of my high school flings.  I wasn't about the dating so much. =P

So that's our lives right now, world.  How are yours?

Signature look March sayonara!

As we bid March an anticipated farewell, I thought I'd bring you my "signature" look.  We all have one - our go to, our comfortable t-shirt in makeup form.

Products! Rimmel soft kohl liner in black, MUFE smokey lash mascara in black, MSC Jubilee, Blueberry Waffle, Pisces, Thunder Snow and Double Rainbow, UDPP, NYX shadow base in white, visine, and baby wipes.

 Start out with a clean, naked face.  The baby wipes come in handy here, especially if you feel you need a little more than just a toner touch up.

Line your water line very lightly for a day look, a bit darker for evening.  Today I'm showcasing a day look, so I lined it light enough that it looks almost gray.

Next apply your UDPP and NYX base.  I like using a small concealer brush to apply my base.  This is where the baby wipes come in handy again - wipe your brush gently on a wipe to remove product so you can go about your other motions without getting product everywhere.  Do this with each brush you use.

Using an XL pencil brush, pack Pisces into the inner 1/3rd of your eye.

Next, do the middle 1/3rd of your eye with Blueberry Waffle.

Now pat the outer triangle with Jubilee.  Blend from the inside out with a large fluffy brush.

Blended!  See how some of the colors were a bit lost, though?

Take your Pisces and Jubilee, and a small pencil brush, and draw in the bare spots.

Much better!

Using the same big, fluffy brush, bring the Thunder Snow up to your brow as a highlight.

GENTLY blend it down.  Don't want to have to go back and fill in again.

Next, using your visine and Double Rainbow, make liquid liner.

Apply your liner and mascara!

Voila! A bright and airy day look that to me is as comfortable as PJ pants and fluffy socks.

Stay Madd, darlings!

A post that isn't makeup? GASP! I bet you thought I forgot how!

My actual blogging has fallen to the sidelines while my personal life became wholly satisfying, and then alternately, a burning pile of rubble.

Today, though, I can't not blog.  I learned recently of the most touching, worthy story, and the amazing company that stemmed from it.

Tim and Jill Wymore were normal.  Two people, brought together in love, and pregnant. Their first child, Hannah, was born in 2004.  Sadly, she passed a mere nine weeks later from a rare genetic disorder called Cat Eye Syndrome.

Their son Austin was born a year later.  Once again, their child was gone before his light had a chance to reach it's peak brightness.  Austin spent a precious 13 weeks with his family.  He, too, died of Cat Eye Syndrome.

The kicker? Tim and Jill are NOT CARRIERS.  This left two possible scenarios: A medical fluke, or an environmental contaminant that caused the genetic malformations.

From this avalanche of heartache, Tim and Jill worked tirelessly to make sure no other parent had to endure it.  They envisioned a business dedicated to making sure the environment one's family is raised in is as free from those possible contaminants as possible.  Spuds, Inc. was born.

Spuds, Inc. focuses on the use of potato starch as opposed to polymers and plastics.  This green company also goes the extra mile by ensuring that their products are safe - they are manufactured in the USA, where quality control is truly quality control.

The Wymore's story brings tears to my eyes for multiple reasons.  Not only because I know some of the agonies associated with having a child who has a chromosomal disorder, but because of their losses, and then the pride I have for being a fellow human being.  They're striving to bring safety to their fellow parents, they're living a greener life, and they're providing jobs for an economy that desperately needs them.  I'm proud to be a human being.

Check out their site, won't you?  Order and rest easy knowing that you've contributed to making the world a better place, both for your family and for others.

This is the end, my friend...

Pater Puerii and I have split.  We may not have been married, but this sure as hell feels like a divorce.

The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire...

It may be too soon to make that joke, but if I don't laugh, I'll cry.

Today brings a look inspired by flames and water.  Enjoy!

Yellow, orange and red, lined with a sapphire blue.

 Products! Rosewater toner, MSC Ichabod, Kick Ass, and King Moonracer, UDPP, and NYX shadow base in white. Not pictured: Color Workshop pencil in Sapphire.

 After cleaning your face including your lids with the toner, apply your UDPP and NYX shadow base.  You want a light covering.

 Take King Moonracer and bring it from the inner corners of your eyes up, following your brow bone.

Next, follow the arc of King Moonracer with an arc of Ichabod, leaving just a triangular area of the outer lid bare.

Fill in that triangle with Kick Ass and blend all three lightly, using a windshield wiper motion.  Line your lower lash line with the blue pencil.

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 Voila! a fiery but balanced look, suitable for your more dramatic moments.

It ain't easy being green! Quick and dirty style!

Hi there! After the tenth time watching Muppet Treasure Island, I was inspired by the many shades of Kermit the Frog.

Not pictured: UDPP, MSC Acid Bath, Oz, Lotus Bloom; NYX shadow base in white, generic black liner, MUFE smoky lash mascara.

Dab Acid Bath in your ducts, and bring Lotus Bloom out to your mid-pupils.

Bring the Oz in from inner corner to mid-pupil, and partially cut the crease.

Blendy blendy!

 Add your liner and mascara and Voila! A gorgeous green for your peepers based on THE peeper himself!