Dating with a diaper bag

I went on a blind, internet date last night.  First date in three years - no pressure on him or anything.

I spent the entire day fretting.  Was my hair frizzy? Did I remember how to put on makeup? Did I need blush? What about my legs, did I shave my legs right with this newfangled electric razor?

Then there was the purse.  The dreaded but oh-so-necessary mom purse/diaper bag.  It's all I had.  I literally don't own anything else.  What I did own that could have flown for something decidedly less domestic decided to stage a coup and have a strap-snap.

It's never been a secret that dating mystifies me.  I was never very good at it, and now that I have kids I'm even more inept.  But it's necessary.  Even if the outcome of the date is just a night out with an adult, meant to be nothing more than a night out with an adult, it is vital to keeping your sanity.

We went out for drinks, and I learned a lot.  Not just about him, but about myself.  It was a moment of clarity, an epiphany, one of those times where the lights come down from the heavens to illuminate certain key points of existence and provide clarity on the mysteries of being a single parent.

Things I learned on this date that I'd like to pass along to you, my dearest readers:

1. First dates are infinitely easier when the person said date is with has a child, themselves.  Yes, you talk about your kids.  It's inevitable - but it's OKAY.  They understand, and in the rapport they talk about their own.  You share stories, war wounds, laughs, tips.  It brings the liberation of not having to compartmentalize yourself and seal away a part of you, or two or three parts of you, that you can never really cut off.

2.  Don't fret over the purse.  Seriously. He wouldn't have noticed if I had brought a bowling ball bag, I don't think.

3.  Find things to laugh about.  Be silly.  Keeping your back ram-rod straight whilst good for posture is bad for soul. Yes, you're a parent, but you're also a person.  Don't forget who that person is, and let that person shine.

4.  Beer is better when it goes IN your mouth, and not on your date.  For that reason, I pray that my dates never wear dry-clean only suits, and I never do either. ;) (Here's lookin' at you, kid.  It was an awesome way to break the rest of the ice.)

5.  Don't be afraid of chemistry.  Take that post-drink/dinner walk, talk some more.  If you brush up against them, IT'S OKAY.  We're all so used to creating huge bubbles of personal space, especially with our kids in tow so that strangers don't end up with chocolate fingerprints on their Fendi bags, that we may shy away from accidental or timid purposeful contact.  Don't.  Take a deep breath and embrace it, embrace them, let that chemistry send chills down your spine if your lips meet or your hands clasp.

Lastly? Sometimes it's okay to sneak back out after you come home and the kids are in bed, just so you can talk and kiss for four hours more.

Stay Madd, my darlings.  It's the only way to survive these seasons.

On babies (and mamas) who others think shouldn't be.

We all know I was an accidental mommy. My pregnancy with Kinder Major was flawless, and even enjoyable.  It could be argued, though, that I wasn't meant to be.  Moments after delivering a beautiful, angry red-haired little girl, I began to bleed uncontrollably.  I was so tired.  All I wanted to do was sleep off the pain I was in as I bled and bled.

But they fought me, and my mother fought me, and I stayed awake.  I stayed here for my baby.  I stayed here because I wanted to be, whether the universe wanted it or not.

Things with Bug were not so peaceful.  A sub-chorionic hemorrhage during my first trimester. Hit by a car second trimester.  Third trimester, pre-eclampsia, fetal distress, premature birth by induction.

I call him the little engine that could.  In spite of all of those things, he persevered.  He was the little fetus that could.

I hemorrhaged again after his birth, and again I wanted to just sleep.  This time I sent my mother away, instructing her to never leave the side of my baby, my little boy blue, not breathing, not stirring.

We danced with fate, the three of us.  Plenty of people who have heard our stories comment on how we, in one form or another, shouldn't be.

I believe they're wrong, though.  Our existence, and the way we fought to be a family, us three, makes life all the sweeter.  It makes it worthwhile to be.

Happy Earth Day!

It's that day of the year again, where we set aside our normal routines and green things up a bit.  I do, anyway.

One of the things that I believe most strongly in is advocating for those who can't, and that includes our earth.  I don't just do it for myself, though, I do it to get the children involved and teach them a sense of personal responsibility for the planet we live on.

Now, activism with children is not taking them out on a greenpeace boat and attempting to destroy fishing boats and fishing nets.  No, activism can be much more subtle and age appropriate.  Activism is simply taking steps towards restoring and saving the resources we have available to us.

For example, right now in Florida, our groundwater is being tapped and pumped for companies to use for bottled water.  This is causing a multitude of problems, including backflow of rivers into our natural springs, causing "brown outs" of the normally crystalline blue waters.  Kinder Major has become quite the activist, writing letters and sending them to the water management district, the EPA, our governor, and even the private water bottling companies themselves.  She has, in a stroke of child genius, included pictures she's drawn of the fun times she's had in those springs and rivers, and what she feels will happen to them if the continued draws keep occurring.

Activism can be simpler than that, even.  We were briefly involved in a project called "The Need-A-Bag project." The premise was simple - provide reusable shopping bags to the patrons of our local farmer's market.  Due to a lack of response in the area we chose to open our branch we no longer participate, but that small act was activism alone.

If you're the type that is hesitant to go out and be bold due to whatever reason, remember that even the small act of responsibly growing one's own veggies is a form of activism.  Sustainable agriculture, no matter how small, is one of the many ways we as citizens can rebel against large corporations like Monsanto who are intent on dominating the agricultural market.  Growing your own food, visiting farmer's markets, purchasing from local small farmers - those are all ways you can get involved and be part of the global movement.  Not to mention that it's wonderful fun for the kids to get out there and get dirty, after which they get to witness the magic that is a garden- their garden- grow.

Don't have enough land to grow a full garden? No worries.  Pumpkins, squash, tomatoes, berries, radishes, carrots, herbs, and many other edible plants can be easily grown in containers on a back porch or balcony.  If you're unsure of what you need or how to do it, ask here, ask at your local nursery, but do make sure you ask.  There's nothing quite as satisfying as a meal made with the literal fruits of your labor.

Kinder Major starting seeds for pumpkins, green beans, tomatos and squash.

Don't just sit around today, folks.  Get involved.  Get your kids involved.  Go pick up trash in a local preserve, plant a garden, start some seeds, offer up some of your extra re-usable shopping bags at a market.  Do something.  This is our planet and our society.  Use this earth day as a wake-up call and make it count so that EVERY day becomes earth day.

XOXO,

Accidentally Mommy.

Through the looking glass

I wish the world could see my children through my eyes. I also wish that I would remember I feel this way when I'm frustrated or tired.

I posted that on my facebook this morning, and I found myself repeating it over and over like a mantra alll afternoon.


What to do when a child's behavior is off and completely out of control, and out of THEIR control?  How to hold one's tongue and exasperation whilst said child bounds across furniture in a fervor of frenetic energy she has no idea how to control?


This is the medication rollercoaster that I spoke briefly of last post.


So what to do?  How do I help her cope?  How do *I* cope?  There is no warning label that states that I may become frazzled and frustrated with directions on how to reverse the reaction.  There are no wiki-how's on curbing my tongue or her behavior.


Here's what's worked for us so far:  Cuddling.


Lots of cuddling.  When she looks like she's going to shake out of her skin, we sit down for a hug.  When I'm in tears over burning dinner and shouting at her to get off the back of the couch, we sit down for a hug.


Talking it out.  Kinder major is extremely sensitive and understands that some of this is out of her control.  It's therapeutic for her to hear my words when I say that  I understand that she can't help it sometimes.


Space.  Sometimes we just need to walk away from eachother.


At the end of the day, though, we cuddle under the blankets and I do whatever I must between snack and story to make my beautiful children laugh, and I remember why I want the world to see them as I do.  They're brilliant, funny, beautiful little beings.


I'm so blessed to be their mommy.

Funk-be-gone!

So.  It's well past time for me to pull myself up by my bra straps and get out of this funk.

Mind, it's not really a funk about him, though he plays a part in it.  It's more a culmination of being in limbo again as far as where my life is going and what I'm going to be when I grow up, the children and their health and well being, and dissatisfaction with my personal life.

Right now I have an awesome job.  It's nothing fancy, it's sure as hell not glamorous, but it's something I can do and do well, to the point of going home *happy* knowing that I've completed my tasks to the best of my ability, and I truly did an excellent job.  However... there's always a however, it's not something I can or will do for the rest of my life.  I want more.  I want to know that I'm not just doing my job, I'm helping out in the world.  This job could lead to that job.  More limbo, though, as it'll take me quite a bit of time to get there.  I want it, though.  Good god, readers... I want it so much it hurts.  I just don't quite know how to go about finally getting it.

The children are well overall.  Kinder Major has been diagnosed as epileptic, for official and all.  We're on the medication rollercoaster now, and it's wearing me out.  Kinder Major doesn't particularly like the ride, nor does she like the fact that I now watch her like a hawk for signs of seizures.  Helmets are more strictly enforced, and there are days when I'm hesitant to even brush her hair.  She's missed a fair bit of school over this, as well.  I'm keenly aware that it could be worse, though, so I'm thankful daily that it's not.

Bug is doing alright.  Health wise he's perfect, it's his development that I worry for.  I cannot count the number of times I've been asked if he is autistic.  He's not.  He communicates, but doesn't talk, per se.  He has words, but they're still not crystal clear, and most people cannot decipher them, and mistake his speaking for babble.  He also signs to us, and does a good job at it.  He understands EVERYTHING, and is the most social, happy little man.  That doesn't keep me from worrying that he's developed a fibroid in the communication center of the brain, though.  I haven't brought it up to neuro yet - I've been sitting on it, trying to decide if I'm just being a worry wart or if there may be something to the idea.  I'm still unsure.  I wish I had some sort of magic 8-ball for him.

My personal life. Ooooh my personal life.  As you know, Pater Pueri and I have split.  That has left me sad, but I refuse to pine over him, and I'm pretty well moved on.  What makes me sad is that we had this life planned out, we told Kinder Major all about our plans, and now it's been snatched out from under her.  She's left angsty, and I'm left seething over her unhappiness.

As far as what I'm doing now that I'm a free agent... well, I'm looking but not looking hard.  I'm leaving myself open to the universe and whomever may come along. It's interesting to allow myself to openly admire and flirt with another person again, after so long of not being able to, or not wanting to.  It's kind of nice to think about making plans with someone just to get to know them.  While I'm enjoying things, I'm still somewhat intimidated.  I never dated well.  Just ask any of my high school flings.  I wasn't about the dating so much. =P

So that's our lives right now, world.  How are yours?

Signature look March sayonara!

As we bid March an anticipated farewell, I thought I'd bring you my "signature" look.  We all have one - our go to, our comfortable t-shirt in makeup form.

Products! Rimmel soft kohl liner in black, MUFE smokey lash mascara in black, MSC Jubilee, Blueberry Waffle, Pisces, Thunder Snow and Double Rainbow, UDPP, NYX shadow base in white, visine, and baby wipes.

 Start out with a clean, naked face.  The baby wipes come in handy here, especially if you feel you need a little more than just a toner touch up.

Line your water line very lightly for a day look, a bit darker for evening.  Today I'm showcasing a day look, so I lined it light enough that it looks almost gray.

Next apply your UDPP and NYX base.  I like using a small concealer brush to apply my base.  This is where the baby wipes come in handy again - wipe your brush gently on a wipe to remove product so you can go about your other motions without getting product everywhere.  Do this with each brush you use.

Using an XL pencil brush, pack Pisces into the inner 1/3rd of your eye.

Next, do the middle 1/3rd of your eye with Blueberry Waffle.

Now pat the outer triangle with Jubilee.  Blend from the inside out with a large fluffy brush.

Blended!  See how some of the colors were a bit lost, though?

Take your Pisces and Jubilee, and a small pencil brush, and draw in the bare spots.

Much better!

Using the same big, fluffy brush, bring the Thunder Snow up to your brow as a highlight.

GENTLY blend it down.  Don't want to have to go back and fill in again.

Next, using your visine and Double Rainbow, make liquid liner.

Apply your liner and mascara!

Voila! A bright and airy day look that to me is as comfortable as PJ pants and fluffy socks.

Stay Madd, darlings!

A post that isn't makeup? GASP! I bet you thought I forgot how!

My actual blogging has fallen to the sidelines while my personal life became wholly satisfying, and then alternately, a burning pile of rubble.

Today, though, I can't not blog.  I learned recently of the most touching, worthy story, and the amazing company that stemmed from it.

Tim and Jill Wymore were normal.  Two people, brought together in love, and pregnant. Their first child, Hannah, was born in 2004.  Sadly, she passed a mere nine weeks later from a rare genetic disorder called Cat Eye Syndrome.

Their son Austin was born a year later.  Once again, their child was gone before his light had a chance to reach it's peak brightness.  Austin spent a precious 13 weeks with his family.  He, too, died of Cat Eye Syndrome.

The kicker? Tim and Jill are NOT CARRIERS.  This left two possible scenarios: A medical fluke, or an environmental contaminant that caused the genetic malformations.

From this avalanche of heartache, Tim and Jill worked tirelessly to make sure no other parent had to endure it.  They envisioned a business dedicated to making sure the environment one's family is raised in is as free from those possible contaminants as possible.  Spuds, Inc. was born.

Spuds, Inc. focuses on the use of potato starch as opposed to polymers and plastics.  This green company also goes the extra mile by ensuring that their products are safe - they are manufactured in the USA, where quality control is truly quality control.

The Wymore's story brings tears to my eyes for multiple reasons.  Not only because I know some of the agonies associated with having a child who has a chromosomal disorder, but because of their losses, and then the pride I have for being a fellow human being.  They're striving to bring safety to their fellow parents, they're living a greener life, and they're providing jobs for an economy that desperately needs them.  I'm proud to be a human being.

Check out their site, won't you?  Order and rest easy knowing that you've contributed to making the world a better place, both for your family and for others.