The "Woman Child" and my role as one.

I just want to make it boiled-bones clear here.  I do not live with my family because I enjoy it.  I do not live with them because I am afraid to live alone.  I do not live here because I can't hack it in the real world.

I live here because as a single mother to not one, but two special needs children, it is a necessity.  I crunch the numbers on a regular basis, and daydream about paying my own mortgage instead of rent to my parents, and realize that in order for us to survive, I would need to work two to three jobs, and both kids would need daycare.

I'm not willing to put a child who doesn't speak and therefore can't tell me if he's being abused into the hands of strangers.  I'm not willing to put a child with a potentially life threatening condition into the hands of strangers.  It's bad enough that I have to put her in the hands of her teacher every day.  At least, though, that's one room with at least two pairs of adult eyes at all times.  A daycare at her age would mean that she could literally be seizing in a corner and no one would notice because she's a "big kid."

The day will come when I've finished school and have a job that will support the three of us on one single income, and that day will be beautiful regardless of the weather.  Until then, though, we're here.  We're part of a village, my kids get extra love, and whether I like it or not, I've got support when I need it and when I don't.

There's my ground, and I'm standing it.  The rest of you, those holier-than-thou with partners and their own homes who want to write articles, point fingers, or be smug and judgmental can fuck right off.  Go sit in the corner with my ex.

Mabon: The colors sound like Dropkick Murphys!

Only not "Tessie," because that's Red Sox colors.

Little known fact: In addition to my other fun brain issues, I'm a synaesthete.  Colors have sounds for me.

This particular look sounds like DKM, with little surprise since it's a greens/brown/foresty look done on and for Mabon.

Gather your supplies: IT Cosmetics Hello Lashes mascara, UD Perversion pencil, NYX Shadow Base in White, MSC Optimus Primer, Afternoon Delight, Witch's Brew, and Steampunk.  Not pictured: Visine for foiling purposes.

Start out with a medium opacity with your base.  This is the NYX Shadow Base over Optimus Primer, of course.  Primer always comes first.

Then line lower water/tight lash line thickly with Perversion, or the blackest black you can find.

Pat on your Witch's Brew to the middle of your pupil. Don't go easy - you want that yellow/gold duochrome to really pop through.

Then add your Steampunk to the outer half of your lids and about 1/2 way in to the crease above the Witch's Brew.

Close up of where that crease should be.

Take a toddler break! If you don't, he will wreak havoc and bring about dooom.

Add your Afternoon Delight to the inner corner and as brow highlight.

Do a little blendy blendy.

Add your mascara....

Voila! A lovely darker green look to acknowledge the coming slide into the darkness.  

May you ever be blessed, Madd Cats, and...

Stay Madd!

Pink Challenge, with Danielle!

Fellow Madd Model and I decided we were going to both do looks using nothing but pink after a discussion last night!

I'm pretty pleased with how this one turned out.  Let's get started, shall we?

Start out with your products! From MSC: Optimus Primer, JEM Pink, Seedless, Winter Rose, and Hello, Sweetie! NYX Shadow base in white, MUFE Smoky Lash Mascara, UD Perversion liner, and various brushes.

Line your waterline first.  remember, you want to do this to clean eyeballs.

Then apply first your primer, and over that the NYX shadow base.  You want it to be at a mid-range of opacity.

Close up of lined eyes.

Pat on your seedless.  Seedless is this awesome baby pink with a bright green interference, hence the name - Seedless, like the watermelon. ;)

Apply Hello, Sweetie in the crease.  CUT THAT CREASE!  Hello, Sweetie is a matte that is actually pressure sensitive.  It starts out a very pale pink, but rubs down to a vibrant, almost magenta pink.  Think Cherry Blossoms.

Next, in the duct and as highlight, apply Winter Rose.  Winter Rose is a very sheer, sparkling pink that reminds me of sparkling white zin, actually.

Look at those sparkles with the flash! My camera couldn't even focus!

After a bit of blendy blendy.

Next, set your eyeliner with JEM Pink.  The JEM pink is almost matte, with larger silver sparkle to it.

Apply your mascara, and voila! A rockin' all-pink look that could be used  as sweet or sassy!

Stay madd, darlings!

Liebster Award!

I was just awarded the Liebster Award by none other than the fabulous Dar from Tales of an Unlikely Mother, which originated over at the lovely (and fun) Life in Pint-Sized Form.

The rules are that I tell you all 11 things about me, and deem someone worthy to have the award passed to.

1. I'm finally coming into myself as an adult.  I no longer feel like I'm a teenager playing grownup; rather, I feel like a grown up who occasionally wishes I could go back to being a teen.
2. My children are raised in a village.  We home share with my parents, my two siblings, a non-blood roommate, and my niece part-time.  My house is never quiet, and I don't know what I'll do when the day comes that I finally buy my own place.  I'll miss the noise.
3. I loathe doing dishes.  Doing dishes and floors.  I'll scrub the nastiest toilet, but please, don't make me mop or do dishes.
4. I've been known to not only talk in my sleep, but sing as well.
5.  My number of close friends can be counted on one hand.
6. At least one of those fingers is someone I've never met "in real life."
7. I have always been a computer geek. From bulletin boards to IRC back in the day, with dialup and the local freenet, to my current cable connection and blogger.  I don't think I could live without my computer.
8. I have never shoplifted anything.  Not even gum or candy as a kid.
9. No matter how bad the crisis, how devastating the loss, you put me with a horse and I'll be able to breathe.
10. My children literally saved my life.  I used to say I refused to live to see 30.  I'll be there in a few short months and plan to keep on kicking.
11. I don't like wearing a bra.

I'm choosing to pass this award over to KB at Wanderlust. Her life is tumultuous and would break a lesser being, but she manages to bend without snapping, and still find the beauty.  Why don't you go give her a read?

Soul Ravens

I have a little bit of an obsession with one of MSC's newer colors, Raven Feathers.  It's a dark, sultry, delightful color.  I can't get enough of it.  I also can't wear it quite as dark as I'd like to, because I don't do nights out to wear nighttime looks.  SO, I keep playing with it for day wear, and keep being tickled by the results.

Here's a look with Soul Dust, Pew Pew Pow, and of course, Raven Feathers.  Oh, Beauty School Dropout makes an appearance for highlight, too!

So, I picked up this E.L.F. brush set for $0.88, and decided that this look was going to feature these brushes.  Out of the package I was impressed - little shedding, tight ferrules, nice balance in the hand.  More thoughts on them after I use them.

Random Estee Lauder pallette for my brows, NYX white shadow base, MSC Soul Dust, Pew Pew Pow, Beauty School Dropout, Raven Feathers, Awesome Sauce, and Optimus Primer, Sephora Hot Hues liner pencil in sparkly black, and WnW MegaPLUMP mascara.

E.L.F. Studio Professional small smudge brush, crease brush, C shadow brush, Sephora crease brush, pencil brush, flat concealer brush, brow/lash tool.

BIG GLASS OF ICE WATER.  Seriously, this is one of the best kept beauty secrets- keep your skin hydrated by staying hydrated. 

Use that concealer brush with a dot of Awesome Sauce in the NYX primer to make it ALL TEH STICKY! 

Over your primer, that is.

Blend a bit with fingertips.

Pat on the Soul Dust to the inner corners, going up into the crease.

Now pat on your Pew Pew Pow, out to the barest part of your outer lid, taking it up to the crease and meeting it at where the Soul Dust left off.

Finish off the outer V's of your lid with Raven Feathers, and bring that up above the crease just a little.

Apply Beauty School Dropout above the Raven Feathers.  Blend everything gently with fingertips.

Do your brows, line your lower lash line, and add some mascara.

Voila!

I have to say, I'm impressed with the E.L.F. brushes.  They picked up pigment well, were supple to use, and seem to be well constructed.  Not a bad investment for $0.88 if I do say so myself.

Stay Madd, darlings!

Inspired by Treasure Planet

I LOVE the movie "Treasure Planet."  It's one of the most underrated Disney movies around.

It comes as no surprise, then, that I decided to do a look inspired by it whilst my daughter had it on TV.

Here's the still that served as my muse:

Are those colors not stunning? Absolutely lovely.

Now.  You know the drill.  Gather your products and equipment!

L to R: VERY large fluffy shadow brush, crease brush, medium fluffy shadow brush, medium dense shadow brush, medium pencil brush, concealer/shadow base brush.

WnW MegaPlump mascara, Sephora sparkly black liner, NYX shadow base in white, MSC Awesome Sauce, Optimus Primer, and Greased Lightening, Kablammy, Unbirthday Star, Bang Bang, Pool of Tears, Disco Biscuit, and T-Birds.

Ignore my ungroomed eyebrow.  Apply in this order: Optimus Primer, NYX Shadow base, and just the teensiest smudge of Awesome Sauce.  Allow the Awesome Sauce to dry until tacky, and then re-blend with the shadow base (using a clean finger) if needed.

Line your lower lash line.

Apply Greased Lightening to your duct with the medium fluffy brush.  Then, inner to outer, apply T-Birds, Pool of Tears, and Disco Biscuit using the firm shadow brush.  Don't worry about the fallout yet, or how even you get it.

Blend GENTLY with the XL fluffy brush.

Time to cut your crease, but double it!  Cut first with Kablammy using the crease brush, and then on top of that with Bang Bang using the pencil brush.

Apply Unbirthday Star above your crease using the firm shadow brush.  Blend down from Unbirthday Star to your blues using the XL fluffy brush.

Clean up your fallout, apply mascara.

Ta Daaa!!!!! A gorgeous, bold look inspired by one of the best Disney movies around.

Stay Madd, darlings!

Laptop repair!

Check out Go Green Computing, LLC in Gainesville, FL.  They don't just do repair, they do procurement as well.  Right now they're running a $10 off special!  Tell them Jackie sent you, or that you saw their ad on Accidentally Mommy!